After a month wherein I basically gave up flavour for lent I was reminded repeatedly of the time I lost my sense of taste. That ended with a strawberry so I figured it would be fitting to grab a bunch of strawberries. I would show you the video I recorded of eating a strawberry and trying to narrate all of this but it is wildly inappropriate in a when Harry met Sally sort of way so it’s not getting posted.
Like a badly directed and ill conceived horror movie my seemingly endless suffering at the hands of a merciless and uncaring god continues. I remember the before time, when food was chewed, when words like flavour had meaning. Sadly those times are but a sad and distant memory.
After watching a lot of iZombie and strangely empathising with the brain obsessed zombie characters I have been forced to admit that the cravings for food have become ever so slightly more than a constant dull irritation. I can only imagine how hate filled future convicts will be surviving on a similar diet of tasteless goo.
So I am halfway through my crazy experiment and although the candy dreams are about as bad as they were in Bangladesh I feel otherwise fine. It appears thus far the answer to can one live on paste alone is yes, I would venture that it the answer to should one is a resounding no!
Hell is not unpleasant, even in that a kind of joy can be found. No, hell is the absence of sensation so profound you forget what joy ever felt like. Hell is Soylent. Two weeks and change to go 🙁
I’ve discovered that chewing is a large part of the human experience and more than I miss sour and or horrifically spicy things I miss just gnawing on things. I am thinking that perhaps at the end of this experience I will find myself a steak of unhealthy size.
I find myself craving odd things like cream of wheat with brown sugar… Which is about as close to a tasteless liquid as normal food gets but for some reason I keep thinking about it. There were several pages more and a buncha photos but my server crashed and took it all out, so sorry…
A normal persons insides are accustomed to a certain variety of things some of which are solid. Drinking 2 litres (half gallon for those of you living in the middle ages) of petri dish substance basically creates a carbonation system in your guts. Whenever your torso is slightly agitates it reacts like a shaken bottle of soda. The resulting burps taste of soylent which as previously stated is akin to licking a death eater..
So based on the suspicion that no one wants to watch me drink things I will instead provide you with interesting Soylent rambling.
Well, it didn’t kill me on day one but so far no horrific side effects to speak of. This morning I was able to take care of breakfast in only two minutes so on that front it’s pretty much a success.
Witness what could very well be my final moments caught on camera daily throughout the month of April.
Somehow this story keeps coming up so I figured I would just post the damn thing and save myself some time… Basically I fought an angel with a machete on Christmas and I am pretty sure I am due for a visit from Krampus…