Visiting the doctor or how I almost died

On Thursday morning I had to visit the Richmond Diagnostic Center for an insulin tolerance test and a ton of blood work. They had told me not to eat anything for 10 hours prior to the test and bring a lot of food as well as spare clothes, which was mildly alarming as I had…

Strange mornings

I was seated at a table with Johnny Depp and a mid eighties Mickey Rourke playing cards, the table was tattered, faded felt peeling back from the wood beneath. Through the odd sepia toned lights and smoke I noticed they they were both beginning to grow impatient, which reminded me I should probably play a…

Veterinary Revenging

It snowed last night, about a foot or so in some places but I had already made an appointment at the vet and despite not wanting to leave my house I had little choice; Jude has been making a clicking sound on his wheel for a while now and was somewhat resistant to the idea...

Give a man a fish foundations

Few things cause me to want to reach into the television and choke someone more than the commercials for these sickening organizations. Let it be stated very clearly : Giving someone food does not cure endemic starvation! I will limit my argument to Africa as despite the issues being nearly universal among famine blighted areas…

Party like it’s 2012

So this new years it was decided that I would not in fact be hiding in my basement eating a can of cold beans and caressing a shotgun, as is my custom.  Instead for reasons not entirely clear to me I found myself standing outside in the snow surrounded by tiny humans and their respective…

Finally fixed my phone

For a long time now I have been patiently awaiting a software update from Wind Mobile. After over a year I decided to take matters into my own hands and root the phone. This was simple enough until I accidentally  installed a Rom designed for a similar phone which seemed to work fine until I…

Christmas with Cat Science

My family has a long tradition of poor planning and failed events, as a result I spent the majority of Christmas day tormenting my roommates cat as no one else was home. Recently Rorschach, the cat in question, had received a few early Christmas gifts in the hopes that he would not become overly insane…

Finally learning to play an instrument

I have long dismayed at my inability to play an instrument and been forced to do vocals whenever I play Rockband. As a result I, for some reason, bought a harmonica. While this is possibly the most hobo style hobby I have ever engaged in, I did at least make the effort not to buy…

Hungry man dinners

Dear Swanson, I am a fan of your Hungry Man line of products, who else can make sure that the corn is evenly dispersed through such a variety of foods. The corn and cranberry dessert and corn in mashed potatoes being a perennial favorite. Literally every dish with corn included has a patina of corn…

Canada: Characters of note : Doug

Doug and I first met working at HempnStuff, as such he is the other half of ‘two guys’ as we were addressed most commonly by the owners wife. I went back to visit the store a year or so ago, and after struggling for my name for a moment she gleefully exclaimed ‘one guy’ which…

Japan: Characters of note : Ashley

Ashley lives in the furthest reaches of Japans wilderness, the town is full of bears and giant bees that wake you up in the morning by dancing on your face. One of the few people who truly lives by the platitude sing like no one can hear you etc… the sad truth being we can…

Ideologies

Dear Twix, With the debut of your most informative expose into the history of your fine company one wonders if left and right are made separately who makes the fun sized bars, do you alternate or some such arrangement? I would further like to inquire as to the idea that opening numerous tiny packages is…