Canada: Characters of note : Penguin

Rae-ann aka ‘Penguin’ When I was shopping for a souvenir I was trying to think of things an arctic avian would like, as a result I chose a monochromatic panda costume and matching slippers. Currently residing twenty minutes outside of bumblefuck nowhere she has plans to leave the country with apparently no consideration that they…

Canada: Characters of note : Rookie

Alex AKA Rookie was still in high school when we met through a coworker at the hemp shop. I was rolling around town with Justin with no particular destination in mind when he suggested we pick up some damn kid he was friends with, I reluctantly agreed. So Alex opens the back door and immediately…

Japan: The legend begins

So I was told by my employers that I had to many vacation days unused, and that they were finally going to hire someone so as to allow me to take a vacation. The result of this is that I decided to spend three weeks exploring the epicenter of strangeness for planet earth, AKA Japan….

Found myself unable to drown

I have always wanted to see the world as the fishes do, my earlier attempts and enraging the mafia failed so I had to resort to Scuba. After about 3.14 seconds on google I had discovered that I in fact wanted pie, this was odd as I was certain there was something else I was…

Recquiescat In Pace – Vile Rat

I delayed in writing this for a few days to allow the rage to subside and avoid painting a whole nation with the same brush. A few years ago, nearly a decade it seems, I joined EVE as part of the first of many recruitment drives, one of the mighty and wealthy goons, Vile Rat,…

High Pizza Technology

Dear Pizza 73, Let me start by saying there is no better pizza the next day than Pizza 73, the added benefit of being able to order online while deeply entrenched in an inebriated stupor cannot be overstated. However I have noticed a seeming lack of R&D in the pursuit of pizza science, to wit…

Phishing

So I recently received an email containing the same level of absurd, clearly insane rambling I tend to dish out, it seems only fair. The key difference being this one wants money, and if it were not insane perhaps it would be a good cause.  I will let you judge, the email reads as follows……

Private Reserve Chili

Purveyors of Chili based lies… As you are no doubt aware for a brief period of time your company; or more likely some rat bastard in the marketing department; decided it was time to break into what I presume to be a 1950’s era stockpile of fallout chili, having determined the likelihood of Russian nuclear aggression no longer outweighed…

An Issue of Nomenclature

As sent to Daily show staff: Daily show staff et alii, I have been watching the show for several years now and am a huge fan; As I am sure you are aware your viewership is quite large and as evidenced by various polls, quite heavily influenced by the content of the show as well…

Battled paper soldiers

So I stopped by the range to confirm my suspicion that at 25 meters if I am shooting at you, your safest course of action is to remain still. However I discovered that at 20 or closer things cease being amorphous blobs and are relatively easy to hit.