Hello Kitty Airlines

Vagabond Tim
Recently, and for reasons that involve a complicated lunar calendar, I found myself take a series of planes to Macau. Now for them sometime in February is new years. It fluctuates year to year and honestly it’s best not to think about it.

Anyhow I spent Chinese new year seeing particularly weird and cute dinosaur movies in a grossly overpriced and posh theater called the directors club and visiting casinos. I actually never gambled while I was there but much like Vegas every single damn thing is located in one casino or another.

I knew what I was in for though, I visited Macau previously and didn’t hate it enough to swear I would never return…
Unlike some places.

The ‘fog’ lets call it fog, varied from impenetrable wall to merely shitty visibility, the entire time I was there I could not shake the thought that these guys do not in fact have the stupidest idea ever (selling bottle air).

Before I get to distracted talking about the Irish pub that served me dodgy potatoes or the strange argument I had with a vending machine let me get to the weirdest part of my trip. Asia is generally known as the epicenter of WTF level weirdness for humanity but I was completely unprepared to have an airline safety demonstration given by a Cantonese speaking animated cat. Since I was unable to learn another language while waiting for my flight I was forced to make some guesses as to what was being said by the happily dancing cats seemingly oblivious to the fact that the airplane they were working on was hurtling toward the ground.

“In the event of the masks dropping from the ceiling put your own on before wrestling the small animal next to you into submission and strapping a mask to his face…”
Seriously, why was a young unaccompanied turtle traveling with a fully grown cat. In what kind of leftist hippy family structure does it seem like a good plan to have a friggan cat in charge of taking care of your turtle!?

“In the event of a water landing mrowl plaintively until dead.”
That actually seems like what a cat would do now that I think about it… Point to EVA Airlines.

And the icing on the cake came when the captain came on the speakers saying, and I wrote this down at the time as I knew I would be quoting it later…
“Due to a tailwind of over… really, wow, ok… 200Kph we will be arriving in Vancouver two hours ahead of schedule… Um, sorry I guess?”
I get the feeling that maybe he should take an improv class or something.

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Apparently Taiwan has a problem with elevator crabs

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A wonderfully clear day in China, well Macau but it’s close

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This was the cutest and least informative safety video I have ever seen

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So many tiny little choking hazards available at the toystore next to the foodcourt in the airport… No good can come of this

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