“Someday” is now

Categories:Ramblings

Many people have asked me why I am traveling. I was for a very long time one of those “someday” people. I saved money here and there but never seriously and took little trips to wherever.

A few years ago my father died and left me a house full of memories and knick knacks, a week before this happened I was diagnosed with MS. For the next few years I slowly went through the house donating whatever I could not give to family members and making little improvements with the vague plan to sell it “someday.”

My world was essentially a routine within a boundless fog; I had been able to convince myself that I had more important things to do than grieve for a long time. Then there came a morning I awoke to learn how deep a fog can be. I could neither taste nor smell, up and down ceased to matter. I couldn’t feel hot or cold, I couldn’t see colour, I heard a low static the entire time; it was as disconnected as one can be without entering a coma. It was like being a corpse.

I spent a lot of time thinking and wandering through my memories, I thought of how young my father was when he died, and how many things he had spoken of doing “someday.” I began to see my future unfolding in tepid shades of grey devoid of vibrancies, so much ceased to matter to me. Then came a strawberry.

I woke up in the morning and was wandering about the kitchen foraging for something I could eat that required no effort, largely as everything tasted like creamed wheat anyway. I grabbed a strawberry from the fridge. As my teeth broke through, time itself crashed to a grinding halt and my knees went weak. I sank to the floor of my kitchen with tears in my eyes staring at this wonderful little thing, only now realizing it was glowing red and illuminated from within. As I looked around in the refrigerators dim light everything was humming and glowing and beautiful beyond description.

The sky became millions of strands of beautiful light, sunsets flared through the spectrum, every song sung to my soul with a resonance that threatened to explode and I relished every moment. I started eating fish, and shrimp, and anything that was not lethal. Even the unpleasant became a source of pleasure, driving icy rain pounding in a complex and wonderful tempo upon skin that is so very alive. The smell of grass on the breeze the squirrels in the trees…

As time goes on and the glow subsides the memory of grey remains, it will be back. Every moment from now until then must be as full as possible.

There is a world full of flavours and scents to experience, dances and songs and sunsets and beaches. There are mountains to climb, oceans to swim, and skies to dive there will be literally more new experiences than I can ever hope to enjoy and I will try as hard as I can to take them all in.

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