300: Day of the Elephant

April 24th marks 300 days since I escaped from the barren unforgiving wasteland of my birth, for three hundred days I have enjoyed something known as sunshine, which sadly we do not really have in my country.

How I Survived Voluntary Kidnapping

Ordinarily my posts are fairly short as I generally spend a few hours following monkeys, attending some event, or throwing paint at children before I become dangerously low on caffeine. There is nothing more depraved and unpredictable than a Tim in the midst of caffeine withdrawal.

Found myself unable to drown

I have always wanted to see the world as the fishes do, my earlier attempts and enraging the mafia failed so I had to resort to Scuba. After about 3.14 seconds on google I had discovered that I in fact wanted pie, this was odd as I was certain there was something else I was…