300: Day of the Elephant

April 24th marks 300 days since I escaped from the barren unforgiving wasteland of my birth, for three hundred days I have enjoyed something known as sunshine, which sadly we do not really have in my country.

How I Survived Voluntary Kidnapping

Ordinarily my posts are fairly short as I generally spend a few hours following monkeys, attending some event, or throwing paint at children before I become dangerously low on caffeine. There is nothing more depraved and unpredictable than a Tim in the midst of caffeine withdrawal.

Cologne Zoo

Founded in 1860 the Cologne zoo is apparently internationally renowned, a fact I only learned from hearing them repeatedly claim it. The baboons inhabit a massive little monkey town that seems to be at the epicenter of most every walking path. The placement of the baboons is somewhat unfortunate given that they are some of...