There and back again
By connecting my television to the HDMI port of my laptop and taking the whole thing far to seriously I was able to induce a collection of couchsurfers to gather around eagerly watching the lunar lander with baited breath as it made its final uncontrolled tumble into the atmosphere at 2500 Meters per second. Our intrepid pilot Jebediah sat strapped into his seat screaming until he blacked out. We had to replace his space suit though, there was an… accident.
The ticker tape hadn’t settled before we threw a pillowcase over his head and rammed him into another capsule, this time headed for the deepest darkest depths of space with a yoyo and a notepad. We told him it was ‘for science’ but it was actually a cost saving measure. As long as he stays in space he isn’t technically retired and therefore does not qualify for his pension.
I have encountered a few conflicts with the other members of the design team though, they insist on calculating things and plotting courses. I however prefer the full throttle and a prayer school of rocketry. This does tend to result in more explosions when I am in charge but they are always spectacular.
To date my least successful mission has been a manned landing on the sun. I installed some heat shields and a fan, I even gave him some ice cream. It all seemed to be going according to plan until he opened the hatch. Obviously that was a poor choice when screaming into the sun at over 7500 meters per second. The hatch door blew off instantly and at high speeds. Jebediah heroically chose to remain with the door and watched as the lander became just a speck against the sun.
Now most people when confronted with a star that stretches from horizon to horizon look away. Jebediah stoically refused to be swayed from his choice of directions to stare in. His unblinking face will be remembered by all, mostly because we all wake up screaming from the image of his melted eyes flowing down his cold dead cheeks as he drifts slowly into the dark.