Things that irritate me

Vagabond Tim
There are quite a few things in the world I find mildly irritating while at the same time I realize my concerns are absurd at best, and evidence that I should be committed at worst.

Firstly I would like to call out the Mars company for their horrific lies regarding the locations in which an M and M will and will not melt. There is absolutely no evidence that simply being places in the hand will confer any sort of enchanted heat resistance to the candy coating or chocolate contained within. Even the most cursory investigation or experimentation proves this long touted claim to be demonstrably false, not only does the candy coating immediately begin to confer colour to the skin as though one had been holding a fist full of markers but the chocolate within begins to melt as immediately as one would expect. While this is perhaps not the most flagrant example of false advertising it remains somewhat vexing.

Secondly the band The Scorpions. Having attended innumerable air shows as a child I became quite familiar with the song Rock You Like A Hurricane. The lyrics of this song have long been a source of annoyance for me as they are somewhat ambiguous. For those not familiar the chorus is as follows “here I am, rock you like a hurricane.” This of course begs the question ‘does the writer mean to rock one in the manner on might be rocked by a hurricane, or in the manner one might rock a hurricane.’ I hold this among the great mysteries of life.

Lastly and most offensive is the notion that opening numerous packages to obtain a single twick (the singular of twix apparently) is in some way ‘fun’.

I cannot fathom the hell the children of those running the company must endure given the definition of fun seemingly proffered as accurate.

Additionally to this purely semantic offense is the absolute absurdity of the advertising campaign the company engaged in just prior to Halloween. Entitled Ideologies this campaign attempts to explain the history of the company as well as the decision to package twix as a pair in the manner of pants. While I have no objection to the campaign specifically, its debut just prior to the largest ‘fun sized’ candy purchasing season of the year leaves me wondering which factory produces the individual bars?

While not exactly the confectionery cosa nostra, they are nonetheless of ill repute

While not exactly the confectionery cosa nostra, they are nonetheless of ill repute

The music video encapsulates the 80's more perfectly than anything else I have ever encountered

The music video encapsulates the 80’s more perfectly than anything else I have ever encountered

One of the least accurately titled confections I have ever had the misfortune of trying to free from its excessive packaging

One of the least accurately titled confections I have ever had the misfortune of trying to free from its excessive packaging

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